Surfers! Take note of Bali’s Rules of the Road!

1. Whomsoever gets to the intersection first has right of way.

2. Traffic signs and signals are more by way of suggestions.

3. If, however, you stop at a red and your front tire is an inch over the white line, you will be fined. Therefore, it is best to do as the locals do and don’t stop at all.

4. If you see a pedestrian starting to cross on a crosswalk, honk long and loud. If the pedestrian keeps going, then he is a damn fool, taking such risks.

Corollary to rule 4: If you plan on being a pedestrian in Bali, it is advised that you undergo a 6 month training regime at your local track. The 50 meter hurdles is strongly recommended

5. If turning onto a road, do not wait for a gap in the traffic. Be Bold and Barge Forth! That’s the motto.

Corollary: Sometimes when you are tootling along a road and behind you there there is no traffic, and in front of you a car is approaching an intersection, do not assume the car will wait for you to pass and then ease onto the open road. No, the driver is certain to Bold and Will Indeed Barge Forth in front of you.

6. Like underpaid and overworked cops the world over, there are Bali cops who will seek to supplement their income via your wallet. That said, however, I myself have almost always been treated with courtesy and respect by the traffic cops. Truly.

7. It is permissible to throw stuff out the window. However, if you spit, make sure that there is no motorbike following you. To glob a motorcyclist with your expectorant is highly insulting and will lead to grief.

8. Young girls on scooters suffer from Young Girl’s Immortality Syndrome. They will not look, guaranteed.

9. If there is room to squeeze by, then by God, squeeze by! It doesn’t matter if you end up causing an hour long gridlock. To breathe leaded fumes is part of the cultural experience.

(I posted this elsewhere a few years ago, but the rules are even more so true)

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